5. The Secret Life of Pets
Directors: Chris Renaud, Yarrow Cheney Starring: Kevin Hart, Louis C.K., Eric Stonestreet, Lake Bell This one from Illumination Entertainment probably doesn’t deserve to be on here, but it was the fifth worst that I saw. It was unfunny, all over the place plot-wise, &, what’s worst, a blatant Toy Story rip-off. I love Toy Story! But this just felt insipid & void. I took my younger brothers to see it, & the best thing about it was the nachos I had during the film. Actually, I think the Kevin Hart bunny made me laugh once. But as that one laugh does not a good movie make, I have to give The Secret Life of Pets the dishonorable title of fifth worst film of 2016. No wonder its acronym is "S.L.O.P." Think about it. |
4. Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Director: Zak Snyder Starring: Ben Affleck, Henry Cavill, Gal Gadot, Amy Adams What a joke this movie was. DC, hear me: there’s a big difference between making a dark film that’s actually enjoyable (a la The Dark Knight) & whatever dreary exercise in futility that this film was. The only reason why it’s lower down on the list than another (spoiler alert!) DC film is that this one actually had a single character I kinda enjoyed most of the time. So well done, Batfleck. You managed to (sorta) save this movie. Still though, number four. Undoubtedly. |
3. Now You See Me 2
Director: John M. Chu Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, David Franco, Lizzy Caplan Okay, I know I just said that BvS was a joke. But this film is just absurd. I actually like the first Now You See Me, despite it being completely ridiculous. But this is where suspension of disbelief runs out. Lizzy Caplan, get out of here. I want Isla Fisher back. And Daniel Radcliffe, I know you’re trying to build your career beyond Harry Potter, but this wasn’t the way to do it. Sorry bud. Maybe that farting corpse movie did you more credit. Back to the film in question, though. The only reason it isn’t higher on this list is that it was inoffensive & only tarnishes a movie that not many people like anyway. Are they making a third one of these, by the way? IMDb says they are. Is this the start of the Now You-niverse See Me? I sure as hell hope not. Third worst of 2016, definitely. |
2. Suicide Squad
Director: David Ayer Starring: Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Jared "Method Man but not like that Method Man" Leto When I left this film for the first (and only) time I’ll see it, I didn’t actually hate it that much. I knew I didn’t like it & I knew it was a mess, but I thought “Okay, this was definitely the year’s best DC film.” However, in retrospect, this is worse than BvS, if only because this film had not a single character that I enjoyed watching. The soundtrack was absolute crap and a shameless Guardians copycat. I really don’t wanna talk about this one any more, but one final thought: Joker recast? I think so. Not even Will Smith could stop this train wreck from being the second worst film of the year. |
1. Independence Day: Resurgence
Director: Roland Emmerich Starring: Liam Hemsworth, Jessie Usher, Jeff Goldblum, the ghost of Bill Pullman From the beginning, I knew this was going to be bad. And boy oh boy, was I right. Jeff Goldblum phoned it in, Judd Hirsch was roaming the desert in a school bus (how did those tires get traction, by the way?), and it ended with a giant puppy-dog alien queen playing fetch in said desert. Also, this hasn’t been commented on much, but it cannibalizes its predecessor and steals the most iconic moments. The only redeeming thing about this crapfest they call a film is that it was laughably bad. So there you have it: Independence Day Resurgence, best comedy of the year. But not actually. That’s Deadpool. Worst film of the year sound better. |
Image Credits!
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Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice poster:
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Now You Sequel Me 2 poster:
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Suicide Squad poster:
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Independence Day: Resurgence poster:
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